


Break Me Down

by BlackenedWing



Category: Vampire Knight
Genre: Angst, Blood Drinking, Drama, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-24
Updated: 2009-02-24
Packaged: 2017-10-11 09:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/110846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackenedWing/pseuds/BlackenedWing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the soiree following his parents' deaths, young Kaname is presented with the Council's "sacrifices", and has to face how unwillingly entangled he is in the adult vampires' webs. Based on Ch48 of the Manga.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings:** Blood drinking, vampirism, lots of angst.
> 
> **Pairings:** Mild Asato Ichijo x Kaname in a slightly lecherous / creepy old man kind of way. ;)
> 
> **Series:** None. This story is not part of my other works and doesn't fit in to either of my other series.
> 
> **Spoilers: **Yes, major spoilers for various chapters of the manga, especially chapter 48.
> 
> **A/N:** This story is set when Kaname is still a boy, shortly after Juri and Haruka's deaths. It takes place after the soiree / party that we first saw in Aido's memories a while ago, the one where he first admits that he was mean to Kaname when they were kids just because he didn't want to admit he liked him. In chapter 48 of the manga, we get to see Kain's memories of the same party, including his and Ruka's interactions with Kaname. The way Kaname was despondently downing blood tablets like there was no tomorrow and the talk about the human 'sacrifices' that the council had prepared for him, which he apparently couldn't afford to refuse, is what led to this fic. This is my little take on what might have possibly happened after the party, when Kaname was presented with those sacrifices. Obviously, if Ms. Hino ever goes into more depth about that situation, this will end up AU.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** Vampire Knight and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to their inspired creator Matsuri Hino. I borrow them without permission, but with great affection. This story is for entertainment purposes only; no money is being made from it.

The lighting was dim, comfortable for vampire eyes. The flicker of candle light, instead of the more steady glow of electricity, lent a certain kind of ceremony to the setting. While the light was bright enough for vampires, the two young humans kneeling in the center of the room obviously couldn't make out much of their surroundings and they instinctively huddled closer to one another.

The chamber was in the shape of a circle with a sunken floor. Stone stairs all along the outer edge of the room led down into the middle. It had a feeling of age, as if this structure had stood for a very long time. The two humans in the center of the room were surrounded by a ring of silent observers who looked human... but were not. The vampires made no move, however. They all seemed to be waiting for something.

A door opened at one end of the room. A tall, bearded vampire with golden hair entered, accompanied by a smaller, younger vampire with raven hair. The boy looked like a very early adolescent, although he was possibly even younger. The difference in the way that vampires aged and when they reached certain levels of maturity made it difficult to tell.

It was to the boy that all the vampires present directed small, respectful bows. No one spoke.

Ichiou guided the boy down the stairs into the candle lit chamber with a hand on his shoulder. Kaname walked intentionally loudly, so the humans would be able to track their approach. He didn't want to frighten them any more than necessary. Humans were always frightened. And they had cause to be.

Without looking up, Kaname was aware of the other council members watching. They were arranged in a circle around the two humans... the _sacrifices, _but their eyes were all fixed on Kaname. Let no one doubt that _he _was the main attraction here. The pawn that was to perform their bidding, even under the guise of them doing something for him.

Oh yes, the way they saw it, he belonged to them. The little pureblood prince that fate had tossed into their hands. The young, impressionable mind that they intended to influence and shape, the powerful puppet they intended to control.

Kaname hated every single one of them. And he could do nothing but smile and pretend to be graciously grateful for their _kindness _towards him. It made him sick. But he couldn't show it. He could show nothing. Anything he gave away could and would be used against him. As repulsive as it was, he had to give them what they wanted. He had to let them think that they fooled him, that he thought they really did have his best interests in mind. If he did not seem to be compliant to their will, if they started to fear they could not manipulate him at will... then they would take more drastic measures quickly. He knew they would.

His parents' "suicide" already provided the perfect excuse. A young boy, after a tragedy like that... he could be troubled. He could perhaps be suicidal himself. If they chose to play it that way, they could essentially lock him up and throw away the key... and no one would stop them. If they said it was for his own good, if gilded captivity, even drugs, were said to be the only way that he could be kept from 'harming himself' until he was in a more 'stable' frame of mind... then society would cluck their tongues over the shame of it all and look the other way. He was too important for them to lose. The only living Kuran heir... or at least... the only one they knew about, thank heaven.

Nobody cared about him, all they cared about was his wretched blood, his name and his eventual ability to produce more little pureblood babies. If they could have found a way to merely keep him as a glorified stud, he was sure they would have. Ichiou had whispered to him in the dark once, what could happen to him if he was not a 'smart' child, and didn't understand that they wanted what was best for him. One thing no pureblood could afford, was to have the Council label them _unstable _or _insane. _

The political clout of his name was the only thing that stopped them. And then, only because the attraction of using that power was too great. As long as he could keep them thinking they had a chance of using his power to their advantage, as long as he gave them a reason to think he was more valuable to them as a political asset than as a prisoner... as long as he could do that, then he would keep his freedom. Or at least the polite incarceration that passed for freedom.

Kaname had the long term picture in mind as he glided down the stairs and towards the two sacrifices brought here for him. He just had to play the game long enough, until he was old enough and powerful enough that he could escape. That wouldn't happen if they locked him up while he was still a boy. But if he could hold off opposing them in any way until he was ready... then he had a chance. And he _had _to have a chance, because without him, Yuki had _no_ chance, and that was unacceptable.

"Do the sacrifices please you, Kaname-sama?" Ichiou asked quietly, in a ceremonious kind of tone.

_Please him? No, nothing about this pleased him. But it did no good to say so. If he rejected these, they would just get others. Better to get it over with. _

"Yes," Kaname said simply. He forced himself to look at the kneeling forms for the first time, _really_ look at them. He was about to take away their humanity and possibly their lives. He should remember their faces. So they could haunt him, along with the others that shared his uneasy nights.

Both faces were beautiful to look upon. Vampires placed a lot of emphasis on physical beauty. Naturally, they wouldn't have offered Kaname anything less than perfect specimens.

The two young women, both slender and blonde, were similar enough in resemblance to possibly be related. Sisters, maybe? Kaname placed his hand on the nearest one's shoulder and she flinched ever so slightly. Her head immediately rose and she looked up at him with an apprehensive inhalation of air. It was to be expected. Kaname's young fingers brushed the light curls back from her neck gently, touching the pale, vulnerable skin. He knew what he had to do. He knew what... he _wanted _to do. The truth was, despite the massive amounts of tablets he had downed earlier, his chest was still tight, his throat dry, his fangs throbbing. He was _hungry _and this girl smelled very good. Still, he hesitated.

"They are both willing?" he asked softly, laying a questioning gaze on the two young women, even though the question was seemingly directed to Ichiou. He had already been assured of this, but he was unconvinced.

"Of course, Kaname-sama. The rest of the Council and I are quite aware of your preferences regarding willing prey. These young ladies have expressed the desire to become vampires so they may be on equal footing with their lovers." There was a vaguely condescending tone in his voice, like an adult patiently telling a child that no, their food did _not _contain green peppers...

Kaname was annoyed, but that was hardly worth noting at the moment. His gaze was on the young women. _They _hadn't spoken. Only the one he had touched was looking at him, the other hadn't lifted her head. Despite a faint look of apprehension, the pair was not overtly afraid. Their heart-rates were steady and they did not tremble. Wasn't there something wrong with that? Shouldn't they be a little more nervous, more afraid?

Kaname would like to think that it meant they really were willing. Maybe they'd been bitten before, by their lovers if what Ichiou said was true, and they knew what to expect. Maybe... but he couldn't be sure. The girls also could have been drugged and that would give the same reaction. His fangs were burning and his head hurt as a sudden wave of hunger washed over him. His eyes narrowed as he realized that Ichiou had just reached down and made a small cut along the woman's smooth neck. She started with a small gasp. A thin, crimson ribbon welled up and Kaname's eyes dilated red despite themselves.

_Damn it! _He'd thought gorging on the pills would help take the edge off, but the formula was as yet imperfect and although they helped... he was still starving and his instincts were threatening to take over.

"And they know the risks?" he pressed, his breath starting to come fast despite his effort for control. "They know, that it's sometimes... sometimes fatal?" It was hard to think. The coppery scent in the air was compelling... delicious...

Although they were not hungry, the other vampires in the room reacted silently to the scent of blood, and to seeing the need visibly flaring in the young pureblood. The council's eyes burned red in the dark. Their gazes fixed hungrily... upon Kaname.

"They know... look at them. Do they appear frightened to you?" Ichiou reached a bloody finger towards the younger vampire in a supposedly coaxing manner. "Come, Kaname-sama... we all know what you are going through, but you must not deny yourself. You need blood and you must take it. I would hate to think that you were in any way purposefully denying yourself to cause yourself harm..." the note of concern in his voice was honeyed, but false.

There it was, the not-so-veiled threat. A soft murmur from the other adults whispered in the darkness and Kaname restrained the dark, hungry urge to try to kill them all and take _their_ blood instead.

"Of course not. I merely do not wish to eat just _anything,_" he said coolly, managing to insert a little dig as if to insinuate that Ichiou did not supply him with sufficiently pleasing fare. It wasn't true, but any little way he could spite the elder vampire in front of his peers right now was welcome.

Suddenly Ichiou's finger was against his mouth, the small bit of blood painting his lower lip. Kaname was initially too startled to protest the invasion of his personal space, and then the taste of blood hit his hungry senses and it was too late. Before he could stop himself, he licked Ichiou's finger, sucking the tip lightly in an instinctive motion to clean the blood from it. Blood tablets were still in their early stages of trial. Perhaps later versions of them would more successfully curb vampiric desire, but right now... they were providing Kaname precious little barrier against his raw need.

For half a moment his gaze met Ichiou's, then Kaname quickly jerked his head back. The elder vampire's were fully red and disturbingly ravenous in their own right as they held those of the younger vampire. Ichiou's body gave a small, intense shiver as he felt the warm moistness of Kaname's firm lips and tongue against his finger. An enticing hint of fang was visible between the pureblood's parted lips and _need _was beautifully painted in his eyes. Kaname's momentary flash of shame-filled horror as he quickly backed off was just as beautiful.

Inside, Kaname burned with humiliation as he realized what he'd just done, and the vulnerability that it displayed. There was nothing he could do to take it back now though. So he did the only thing he could do and knelt quickly in front of the nearest girl, burying his face against the side of her neck so he wouldn't have to look at anyone else. They'd probably expected him to pull her up to stand rather than him going down on his knees to her, but given the fact that she was older and probably taller than he was, that would be awkward, not to mention that Kaname's knees did not feel particularly capable of holding him up right now, let alone supporting the girl as well.

His chest heaved softly as he pushed the girl's hair back again, his tongue gently lapping at the small cut Ichiou had given her. He licked and sucked her neck as tenderly as he could, despite his own feeling of urgency. He could feel the pulse throbbing in her veins.

_I'm sorry. I hope this really is what you want. I'm sorry... _he thought miserably. It was too dangerous to even whisper it. Vampire hearing would pick it up before the girl did. _Forgive me. _

His breath trembling just slightly... Kaname's slender fangs slipped into her neck. The girl stiffened slightly, her body ridged at first as Kaname sucked deep draughts of her blood into his mouth. It tasted so good... not as good as the blood he truly wanted... nothing could taste like that, nothing could satisfy him like that would... but this temporary relief was intense and his vampire instincts surged fully to the fore as the coppery nectar eased the suffering in his chest and the burning in his throat and fangs.

The next thing Kaname was clearly aware of, the girl was no longer ridged, now slumped against him instead. Her slender form rested against his, leaning into him as he took her humanity and her blood. Kaname blinked. How long had he been drinking? He realized with a horrified little start that he didn't know. It could have been a few seconds... or it could have been a lot longer. He'd lost it. He'd not meant to, but he'd lost it to the blood euphoria. _Damn!_ He was still hungry, he wanted _more... _but he stopped immediately, tenderly licking the two small, graceful wounds that his fangs left behind. The woman slumped as he let her down carefully to the ground. She was unconscious.

Kaname was still breathing hard. Harder than before, actually. It was difficult to let the girl go. He wanted to bury himself in her neck again. Badly. His mind was still a haze of red. There was something... something more to it than just blood euphoria. He shouldn't have still felt as hungry as he did, should have been able to get his head back together better... but he couldn't, and he hadn't drunk from humans often enough to know that that _wasn't_ natural.

Kaname knelt, leaning on his hands on the cold stone floor, staring down at the unconscious girl as if in a daze, chest heaving. Blood dripped down his chin. He felt a strange trembling in his limbs. Ichiou placed a hand on the young pureblood's shoulder, lightly pulling Kaname upright on his knees, guiding him to the other girl who was still waiting for him, a distinctly glassy look in her pretty eyes. She hadn't reacted to seeing her companion fall. That wasn't natural. There was nothing natural about any of this. That fact registered dully in the back of Kaname's mind. But she smelled good. _God..._ she smelled good.

Ichiou canted her head to the side and pulled her slightly forward by the hair as he guided Kaname to her neck, like a one might lead a drunk to bed or an infant to his bottle.

Kaname whimpered. _Whimpered, _damn it. What was wrong with him? He _wanted _to bite her very badly. Yet at the same time... something was wrong. He knew it, he just...he couldn't think straight enough to figure it out.

Ichiou knelt behind him, pressing his chest to Kaname's back, one hand resting on the young pureblood's side, the other reaching around and supporting the girl. He leaned forward, necessitating that Kaname leaned closer to the prey as well. Ichiou held him as if Kaname needed help to drink... which in his current state, he kind of did, actually, but the young pureblood tensed, bitterly resenting the far too intimate contact.

"Come on, Kaname, there you go... drink now... it will be all right..." Ichiou murmured. His breath was hot against the back of Kaname's neck and the young pureblood's heart was starting to pound even harder.

Kaname wanted to fight, but warm, pulsing flesh was against his mouth, and before he was fully aware of what he was doing, he felt blood in his mouth again. He sucked instinctually, drawing the girl's lifeblood into his own body.

This time he was aware of the faint, bitter aftertaste that had been present in the other girl, but he had been too overwhelmed to notice. His heart sank. So... it had been drugs after all. The girls weren't willing, they had been drugged into submission and fed to the beasts. _To him._

_Be honest... you already suspected that, and you bit them anyway, didn't you? You're a hypocrite and a monster, Kaname Kuran. _But what choice had he really had?

Kaname vaguely wondered why the Council wanted these girls turned. He didn't know. Maybe he would never know. _Poor things. Poor, fragile things... you're caught in their webs too, just like me... Someday we'll crush the spiders, shall we? Someday... but today, I'm still a fly and I can't help you. I'm sorry... so sorry..._

Kaname's head spun. He felt strange. Euphoric. Drunk. Lightheaded. It was much, _much_ more pronounced than normal blood ecstasy. It kept him from wondering too much what was happening, so he didn't consider that the drugs in the girls' systems might not only have been for _their_ benefit. There was no better, concealed way to slip drugs to a vampire than through their food source. Just now Kaname had ingested a powerful dose of the equivalent of a vampire roofie. The insidious benefit was that he wouldn't clearly remember anything that happened tonight... including being drugged. Tomorrow they could tell him he simply got lost in blood ecstasy and he would have to take their word for it.

Ichiou's hand slid slowly up and down Kaname's side. He could feel the boy's heart pounding through his back, the slender ribcage expanding and contracting unevenly with ragged breaths. Kaname's body shuddered softly as he drank and Ichiou savored the feeling of the young pureblood practically trembling in his arms.

The sight of one vampire feeding inevitably stirred up other vampires, and the fact that it was a pureblood - one whose guard was significantly lowered because of the drugs he was ingesting - made the effect even stronger. Eyes glows, lips were parted and fangs showed silently as they watched like vultures.

Lost in amped up blood ecstasy, Kaname was both stirred and disturbed by Ichiou's closeness, by the way their bodies were pressed together and the elder man's hand was stroking his side. This was wrong. It was all so wrong.

With supreme effort, Kaname snatched at enough of his senses to stop drinking and make an attempt to clean the girl's neck. There was a lot of blood... he'd not been in very good control and he'd made a mess. Kaname swallowed painfully. What was wrong with him? Was he truly, this much of a beast when his instincts ruled him? For a moment, he wished he never had to drink blood again.

The first girl was convulsing, he realized, and he struggled sluggishly away from Ichiou. He ran his hand down his face, trying to clear his head, trying to think... he was startled when he realized his hand was still wet with blood and he'd just accidentally smeared it on his face. The world seemed seeped in blood. Red, rich, crimson blood... And it was beautiful. He deserved to go to hell for thinking that, but he couldn't hide from his nature. It _was _beautiful. And horrible.

"Sh-she's reacting..." he murmured in concern, still trying in vain to clear his head as he attempted to catch hold of the woman's shuddering shoulders. His heart constricted. This was a risk. It was always a risk with humans and purebloods. Some humans became vampires in a matter of minutes after being bitten, some could take much longer for the change to manifest... and some... some rejected the change completely, their blood becoming toxic and killing them. Kaname very much feared that was what was happening now.

Before Ichiou could stop him, or realize what he was doing, Kaname had cut his wrist shallowly and squeezed a few drops into the convulsing girl's mouth, holding her head to make sure it got into her system. It was dangerous... perhaps if he'd been more sober he would have thought twice about cutting himself in front of Ichiou and the rest of these vultures... but in truth, there was safety in numbers. They may all want him, but the presence of witnesses who would be only too glad to betray each other if it meant getting more power for themselves, would hold them all in check.

There was no guarantee that giving his blood to stabilize the transformation would halt the fatal toxicity flooding her system. It probably wouldn't, but Kaname had to try. In any case, he'd never intended to leave the girls un-stabilized.

"Kaname-sama, you mustn't!" Ichiou remonstrated, grabbing Kaname and pulling him away from the girl. The elder vampire's eyes were blazing with hunger and he was almost visibly trembling. Kaname struggled free, angered and more frightened than he could possibly afford to show.

"Do you tell me what to do with my blood, Ichiou?" he countered harshly before casting his gaze around the room. "Any of you? Any of you dare tell me what to do with my blood? I do with it what I choose and you had best remember that!" This was the one topic he could challenge them on and they could offer him no rebuttal. A pureblood's blood was sacred and only for his or her own disposal. They dare not even hint that they thought otherwise.

Stubbornly, his head still spinning, Kaname crawled over to the other girl and cut his wrist again, letting a few drops of his blood fall into her mouth. He didn't know if this was spoiling the Council's plans, or playing right into them because they had assumed he would stabilize any ex-humans that they got him to create. But it hardly mattered, he did what he had to do.

Rocking back on his heels, Kaname licked his wrist clean. His face was still stained with the girls' blood, but he was careful to clean up all traces of his own blood from his skin. The first girl had stopped convulsing and was very still. Kaname couldn't hear her heart beating anymore and he feared she had died. He felt sick. _Humans were so fragile. It was like trying to handle rice paper without tearing it. He hadn't wanted to kill her. He'd tried so hard not to... _

Kaname found himself falling forward and caught himself on his hands. He was no longer hungry, but his thoughts were scattered across the four winds and he couldn't seem to call them back together. He was aware of where he was and what was happening, but everything seemed strange and blurry. Time was behaving strangely, skipping and hopping forward like a broken record instead of flowing like one continuous stream.

He didn't remember getting up, but he was standing, leaning far too weakly against Ichiou as the older man supported him, walking him up the stairs. He remembered the hallway... but not leaving the building. He remembered getting in the car, but not the drive back to Ichiou's house. He remembered Ichiou undressing him and putting him in the bath tub. He remembered feeling vaguely mortified and wanting to escape. He didn't remember getting out of the tub, but then he was in bed with the covers pulled up around him.

He felt empty, desolate.

And then there was nothing. Nothing until morning when he awoke feeling faintly disoriented and remembering next to nothing from the time he started drinking from the first girl until waking.

Ichiou told him he'd killed both girls. Said they'd tried to stop him out of respect for his wishes, but he'd drained one and toxic reaction had killed the other. Small snatches and bits of things in Kaname's memory seemed to corroborate that story. Yet for some reason he felt like Ichiou was lying to him. Ichiou always felt like he was lying though and Kaname couldn't be sure. Maybe he _had_ killed the girls. Maybe he hadn't and the Council was lying so that he wouldn't ask after the new ex-humans and find out to whatever use they had been put. Maybe they were just lying because they wanted him to doubt himself and set the ground work for saying that he could be unpredictable and uncontrollable if they needed to. There were many possiblities, but no answers.

Kaname would never really know. But he never did forget those two girls' faces. After all, you should remember the lives you destroy.

**Epilogue:**

Kaname stayed in bed the rest of that day. His hunger was sated, but if it was possible, he felt even more despondent and miserable than he had been before. Ironic, that the council claimed they did everything for him, claimed to be so concerned for his state of mind... and yet _they_ were the ones who made him sometimes feel like... like he actually _would_ like to kill himself.

Maybe if it had just been him the desire for that escape would have been much stronger. But there was Yuki... so those thoughts weren't even worth considering. He had to survive to protect her. If his life wasn't worth living, he could live for her. Besides... the Council had to pay, for all their crimes. They had to be stopped. And someday, they would be.

There was a soft knock at the door. Kaname didn't answer, but the person entered anyway. It was okay though, because it was Takuma. The young blonde had brought him tea and crackers with a smile and a determinedly cheery attitude. Ichiou had sent his grandson back home after the party, going alone with Kaname to where the sacrifices had been prepared, but Takuma had heard what had happened later, or heard his grandfather's version of it anyway.

Takuma didn't talk about it. He could tell Kaname felt very badly, and instead, he tried to give him something else to think about, wanting to cheer him up. Takuma was good that way. He knew when to talk about nonsense and ignore the giant purple elephant in the middle of the room.

Kaname sipped the tea silently. He didn't return Takuma's smiles, but he didn't resent them either. He didn't respond much, but he listened. He didn't accept when Takuma offered him some of the mangas he'd brought along with the tea, but he didn't object when Takuma climbed onto the opposite side of his bed and read aloud to him instead, paraphrasing the action and comically dramatizing the dialogues. He tensed slightly, when Takuma's hand rested very lightly on his shoulder while he read... but he didn't push him away.

He didn't know yet, if Takuma's friendliness was an act meant to gain his trust, or if it was genuine. He couldn't afford to trust anyone in this house, especially the grandson of his jailer. But... but there was no harm in taking a little comfort from the cheerful voice and the undemanding company, was there?

Kaname closed his eyes and listened to Takuma read, allowing himself a few blessed moments of forgetfulness and respite from the dark memories in his head and the pain in his heart. Takuma's presence was more comforting than he would admit. Like Kain and Ruka's and even Aido's had been at the party the night before. Those had been small rays of light during a very dark time. He may have to keep his distance, but at least... maybe he didn't have to be completely alone _all_ the time.

Maybe.

THE END


End file.
